Malmsbury, Victoria

It always feels a little unfortunate to me that, one of the first things you see as you drive off the Calder Freeway and into the little hamlet of Malmsbury (pop.831), is the Malmsbury Youth Justice Centre – all high fences and that stark, unmistakable ‘prison’ architecture that’s inclined to put you off a place.

It’s a custodial centre for young males (18-21), deemed “too vulnerable” to serve time in adult prison. It’s set away from the village itself on what used to be the old racecourse site but it’s still there – as everyone became painfully aware in January 2017, when, during a riot around 15 ‘inmates’ escaped. Some were arrested and others fled the area in stolen cars – although they were later recaptured.

As a visitor to the town, it’s momentarily off-putting but for the purposes of a short visit, it’s easy enough to ‘close your eyes’ and pretend it’s not there.

Instead, I started my exploration at the Malmsbury Cemetery. I always like a good country cemetery. They’re usually quiet and peaceful and you can learn a lot about a place and its people by reading the headstones. I followed the signs for a kilometre or two out of town and pulled into a pleasing tree-lined driveway.

As I pulled up to the main cemetery gate though, I couldn’t see beyond the sign

“CAUTION: Please Beware of Snakes.”

I’ve made no secret of abhorrence of snakes and my fears of coming face-to-face with one but when I express this, almost every Australian I’ve met scoffs at me, saying trite things like “oh they’re more afraid of you…,” “they’ll hide when they hear you coming,” or “you’ll be lucky to ever see one.” I’m never consoled by this.

So I figure, when Australians actually go to the trouble of making a sign warning visitors about snakes, they have to be big and plentiful. I take heed. I note the warning. I do not get out of my car. I immediately drive back to the village for strong coffee. I’m perfectly happy to be called a wimp!

    I headed for the Old Post Café - on my last visit to Malmsbury it had provided me with everything I needed after the 11 kilometres or so I’d driven from nearby Kyneton. But it wasn’t to be. The Old Post Office Café is no more. The sign is still there but now it’s a second hand store of some sort; and at 11.30am on a Thursday, it was closed to all visitors. 

I didn’t mind. I photographed their front window display instead – a quirky mix of a giant, toothy head skeleton, robots, big-eyed dolls and a mini replica of Her Majesty the Queen. I wasn’t buying but I this was another to pique my interest as to what they might have inside.

A couple of doors away, is the old Mechanics Institute building. Every town in Victoria seems to have one and I was going to read up and see what they were all about; but I see some obliging person has already done it and raised a sign for ignorant people just like me. I hope you can read it!

I did discover however, that the world’s first Mechanics Institute opened in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1821; and in Australia, the first was opened in 1827, in Hobart, Tasmania. It’s a concept that caught on fast in Australia and during the 1850s, they spread throughout Victoria wherever a school, hall or library was required. Over 1,200 were built in Victoria alone and the buildings of 500 of those still remain – and over 50 of them have plaques just like this one. The Malmsbuy Mechanics Institute is now used for bingo, yoga, art classes and local meetings and events.

A few doors away, the Malmsbury Motel Hotel TAB and drive-through bottle store deserves a note, if only for its ability to be all things to all people – although a slightly terse note in the window “Public Toilets are Located in the  Botanic Gardens” suggests a publican tired of redirecting non-drinking/eating patrons away from the premises.

If you’re interested, you can dine on 300gram Scotch fillet steak here for $32, or grilled barramundi with lemon and dill aioli for $25.

The General Store seemed classically ‘general,’ as they continue the purveyors-of-all-things traditions “established in 1855; and the Small Holdings Café across the road was locked up and “Closed until Spring.”

Following the crowd – if half a dozen random visitors in the street can be called that – I found myself in the Malmsbury Bakery. Sometimes the need for caffeine overrides any interior preferences; although I did find solace in the fat loaves of freshly-baked bread lining the rear shelves.

There’s also something charming and unassuming about a place that hangs up a giant sign proclaiming: “Malmsbury’s magnificent meaty moreish meaty meat pie morsels.”

I didn’t avail myself of a meat pie but a small group of American visitors appeared to be loading up on fat sausage rolls and more than one of those aforementioned “meaty morsels.”

It’s easy to feel much better about a place when you’ve downed two good cups of coffee and a fat slice of excellent chocolate brownie (that you didn’t need), and so it was, as I took to streets to take in the local housing stock – and the famous bluestone viaduct.

It’s a handsome structure, built from local bluestone in 1859-60. It’s 149m long and has five arches (each of which has a span of 18m and rises 22m above the Coliban River). Nearly 9,000m3 of solid stone was used in its construction and it cost 72,000 pounds to build. On its completion, it was the largest masonry bridge built in Australia.

The Botanic Gardens are nearby and beyond that the main street takes you out towards Daylesford and Taradale. At this point, it’s easy to think you’ve seen the town but over the Coliban River and up the hill, there’s an interesting cluster of old buildings, the Malmsbury Railway Station (bluestone of course), a pretty vineyard and another whole residential neighbourhood.

It’s up here that you find The Mansions, a closed-up monster of a building in a state of neglect. Now privately owned, it is made up of two parts – what was once the early, wooden Junction Hotel; and a stone hotel and shops that replaced what was thought to be an original butcher’s shop. The hotel side of things closed in 1914 and it later became accommodation and headquarters for a religious group – as evidenced in the sign plastered across its side: ”Jesus said ‘Come unto me and I will give you rest.’

Across the road was another sign: “Horse Poo $2.

The irony was not lost on me.